Hello!

I am Sunny, Managing Editor of The Single Scene, a newsletter for singles, and CEO of Cactus Ventures.

During the years I was single, as a result of a divorce that ended a twenty-five year marriage, I experienced the Dating Game first hand. I was able to interview many men and women in all sorts of situations. From these interviews and conversations that I initiated in grocery lines, video stores, banks, movie theaters, and while waiting for buses, (anywhere people gathered), I heard a multitude of universal problems. Many women, (especially those whose ages ranged from thirty-five through sixty), confided their frustration, bitterness, and loneliness. Many had just given up on romance all together, while the men, it seemed, in that same age bracket, were trying to recapture their youth by dating only young, thin, women. The majority of divorced men seem to be avoiding those in their own age group, especially those with children and financial responsibilities.

Despite the singles clubs, dating services, the ever growing number of personal ads appearing in newspapers and magazines, and various books and articles that make attempts at answering the myriad of questions prompted by these disappointing encounters, men and women across the board are becoming pessimistic about their chances of ever finding a lasting relationship, let alone a permanent one. In my interviews and conversations I kept asking, "How and where do you go to meet people?" Regardless of the methods chosen, the women who confided in me echoed a few simple facts. There seemed to be a shortage of good men.

Few participated in special singles only activities, a method most women seemed to prefer as their social outlet. Men, on the other hand, seemed to meet their social needs in a more diverse set of activities which seldom included singles organizations.

A large segment of single women had just given up after as long as fifteen years of playing the game . These women hadn't been able to figure out the rules. After many disappointments and heart aches, they were just resigning themselves to a single life without male companionship.

I will add one other important observation of my own. Throughout the interviews, the focus, for the women, was on "Getting a Man," and the men knew it. Women must understand the law of supply and demand. The men are a commodity in short supply. For the majority of men, this means that they have the upper hand in the "Dating Game". They make the rules because the women I talked to didn't seem to think of themselves as a valuable commodity. They felt like a throw-away. The women accepted a passive role and handed men the power over them.

A man can place a personal ad in a local newspaper and receive fifty to one hundred answers, compared to only a handful of replies to a woman's ad. One common perception, that was echoed by the men, was that women wore their desperateness on their sleeves. The men were turned off by this.

" If women want respect, they are going about it the wrong way," one man shared with me. "We don't want door mats. We want someone who is alive, fun, exciting, sexy. Most women only seemed interested in corralling us. They put up with whatever we dish out, as if they feel they deserve it. They have no spark, no self esteem. We can see them coming a mile away. Dump one, there is another waiting in the wings to take over.

There's no fire, no spark, no excitement, no challenge," he informed me. "Did you know that some women actually read the obituaries and divorce announcements to locate those men they feel will be the most vulnerable or lonely. They send sympathy cards, suggesting that they knew the deceased or the widower. They then begin to move in with some kind of Mission Impossible plan, as if we are stupid."

This newsletter is a forum for frank and honest discussion of the issues, problems, and experiences connected with being single in today's world. Singles seem to be forgotten within the very communities we live in. We live, vote, shop, eat, raise children, grandchildren, and families within these communities. We work, play and impact our communities in ways few have stopped to realise. We are teachers, ministers, police, politicians, parents, grandparents, neighbors, business owners, Doctors, contractors, school bus drivers, and consumers.

It is time to address the pressures, problems, and needs that envelope this growing number of our population. I hope that through this newsletter, we can come to a better understanding which will lead to dialogue, and perhaps create answers to our questions and concerns.

This newsletter is for you. Your input is necessary for its success. So write or e-mail me with your experiences, opinions, and concerns. We will try to answer them all. SUNNY

You can find any book, video, or CD, even toys & gifts that you need by typing your key word in the text box and clicking on our Search button.