Looking For Mr. / Ms. Rich?

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Well, we certainly got a lot of mail on the subject of Gold Diggers. It seems that a few readers took offence at the Idea that someone would use money as a criteria for picking a potential mate.

One reader wrote: “I don't make a lot of money, but I get by. I am buying my own home, which I bought after my divorce. I have a steady job and a small retirement. I am not rich, so if a lady is looking for money, she had better not waste her time

This brought up a lot of questions. Rich is evidently in the eye of the beholder. To some ladies out there, Rich means a roof over your head, a steady job, a weeks vacation every year, and a little nest egg for the future. While to others it means, fancy cars, diamonds, furs, fancy house, and trips to Europe. However, before we judge a person's motives, it seems to me that we had better ask the right questions. Most mature women would not call the pizza delivery boy rich. ( or stock boy, the grocery bagger, the mail room clerk, etc.) These are obviously entry level jobs that are categorized as “those jobs that should be taken by high school, college, and early 20's men just starting into the work force.” (Unless he is supplimenting his income with a part time second job). So generally a 40 plus woman would not be looking at a man who is in this category. (There could be a gem among the stones, don't pass up that gem by assuming anything). Let's face it, most men at forty should be involved in skilled or technical jobs which pay a little more than minimum wage. For many women who are facing the reality of an extremely reduced income after a death of a spouse or a divorce, a man with a job that pays a liveable salary, or at least the potential for a future stable income, is a quality, (or necessity), they would be looking for. I don't think this is “Gold Digging”, I think it is sound judgement and financial reality. Of course women don't want to see their dreams go down the drain just because they find themselves now single. So looking for financial security is just one of the factors most of us use when choosing potential mates. And of course, not everyone considers this aspect in their search. For those who do, their needs must be respected without prejudice. We all have a right to have our needs met.

This works both ways. Many men want women who are employed and who can contribute their income to the marriage, not take from it. Many see advantages in the two-income family. Many feel that both partners should contribute. This is a very important factor to consider when families with children are involved. Many men shy away from the responsibilities of raising someone else's children. So, of course, a woman's ability to provide for her children's needs will be an important factor in their decisions. Most readers felt that looking for money for money's sake was not an acceptable attitude. No one was concerned with anyone wanting to better themselves as long as they were willing to help in the project. But, women or men, using money as the only criteria for a relationship, were objectionable to most. Gold Diggers whether men or women, were poison. Before you judge a persons motives, ask the right questions and keep asking until you get them answered. Don't be afraid to discuss your views on money, your partners views, and what kind of needs you each require in that area to be happy. How do you feel about wives working? Who should pay on a date? Who pays for the baby-sitter? What kind of restaurants are acceptable? These are all questions which will provide answers that will let you know who this person is. So, don't be afraid to be honest and up front.