Not Bad…. for a Girl

By Jen
 

"Sorry honey, girls can't pee over the side of the boat."
To this day, those words resonate in my ears. It was 1984, and I was ten years old. My grandfather uttered them as he prepped the boat for his weekly fishing expedition on Oregon's Umpqua River. I was devastated because I had seen the huge salmon my grandfather pulled from that river. I craved the same opportunity. It did not seem right since my brother was going. Not only did he abhor fishing; he also exhibited no skill for it either. I had talent and love for the sport. I begged and pled my case all the way up to my mother. It did not matter though. The only issue that did matter lay in my inability to urinate over the side of the boat like a man. Unless I magically changed into a boy by tomorrow, I was not going. I recall this episode as the first time I considered my vagina as more of a burden than a blessing. Much to my dismay, this would only be the first of many incidences where I would be treated differently because of my gender.
Unfortunately, I am not alone in suffering this plight. For centuries women have felt the suffocating grip of bias and oppression. Elizabeth Cady Stanton asserted in Declaration of Sentiments that "the history of mankind is the history of repeated injuries and usurpations on the part of man toward woman" (Stanton 88). Luckily, much has changed since that text was written. Numerous laws have been passed that tout the equality of women. However, there remains a pervasive undercurrent of sexism that laws have been unable to dissipate. Despite many positive changes, women still suffer the effects of gender bias in all societal settings.
I, like other women, first felt this bias as a child. I am the youngest of four children and my sisters were much older than I was. They refused to acknowledge my existence, let alone play with me. This left me with my brother David. As small children, we were inseparable. We struck an implicit and simple deal. He kept an eye on me, as a good brother should. I adored him, as only a kid sister could. As we matured, this dynamic changed. More young boys moved into the neighborhood and my usefulness as a playmate dwindled. Playing football and baseball with his friends became more important. I tagged along only because Mother made him take me. However, I was banished to the sidelines and never allowed to play. I was told girls don't play football and I might get hurt. David knew I could catch and throw as well as he could. To my dismay, he never tried to convince them that I was good, even for a girl. His silence hurt more than being denied entrance into the game. I removed him from his pedestal, and our relationship was never the same.
Finally, under threat of Mother's wrath, they let me play. At first, I was picked last, and to throw the ball to me was a last resort. However, as my prowess for the games came to light, I emerged as a second or third round draft pick. Had I been a boy, no coercion or proof of talent would have been necessary. I would have played every game and been involved in every play with no hesitation or questions asked. I do not blame those boys for excluding me. They were just kids reflecting their socialization to gender roles.
Indoctrination of gender roles starts early. Young girls are given dolls, not basketballs. They are told to be nurturers not CEO's. Girls are not supposed to be competitive, but delicate and soft-spoken. A competitive, aggressive boy is heralded as a go-getter. Conversely, a competitive, aggressive girl is slapped with the label of "tomboy". Under examination, this seemingly harmless term exposes an underlying bias. As Carol Gilligan professes in From a Different Voice, "we begin to notice how accustomed we have become to seeing life through men's eyes" (Gilligan 93). The term "tomboy" denotes no femininity even though it is describing a female. As Gilligan suggests, this term is another way men "have tried to fashion women out of a masculine cloth" (Gilligan 93). It is a term contrived by men to help label women who do not conform to male-dominated society.
The workplace is another male-dominated arena. Lower pay and sexual harassment on the job is a reality for many women. For years, it was my reality. I spent four years working in a cross-docking facility for a major auto parts retailer. I had to start at the bottom disassembling brake calipers. When speaking with the head of human resources, she questioned my ability to handle the job. She said it was a dirty job and informed me that most women she knew could not handle getting dirty. She also professed her preference for hiring men. According to her, women tended to be a distraction to the men in the plant. She also liked that men never took sick days to tend to ailing children. In desperate need to fill the position, I was reluctantly hired.
I had been distracting the men in disassembly for a few months when I saw a posting for barrel mover in the receiving department. Basically, after the brakes and calipers were sorted into barrels, it would be my job to move them into the storage area. The barrels were heavy and the job dirty, but the receiving department had advancement opportunities. Eager for upward mobility, I signed the bid. When the department supervisor called me in, he told me he did not think I could do the job. However, since I was the only one to sign the bid, he was obligated by company policy to let me try. The head of human resources informed me I had five days to see whether I could do the job. If I could not, I was allowed to have my old job back. There was a running bet between some of my coworkers on how long I would last. Had I been a man, my ability to do the job would never have been questioned.
I toiled moving barrels for a year. After that year, I worked my way into driving the forklift and unloading the core trailers. I also acted as the safety advisor for the receiving department. After being passed over for the coordinator position in the department for a man they asked me to train, the logistic arm of the cross-docking facility absorbed my job. It was my responsibility to help cross-dock, load and bill all freight going to and from all the western distribution centers. At the time, it seemed like a great move. I had better job security, I stayed clean and it was challenging work. Unfortunately, I had no idea what was in store for me.
At first, everything was great. I enjoyed the work. It was fun and challenging. However, as time went on, I noticed a male chauvinistic undertone. This was particularly true with my boss. He was old enough to be my father and never missed an opportunity to tell me so. According to him, I had two strikes against me. Not only was I just a kid, but a woman as well. He once told me that God gave women one more brain cell than a cow so they would not defecate on the floor. That was his idea of a joke.
When the clutch wore out on the tractor we used to move and dock the trailers, he yelled at me. He was certain that none of my male counterparts rode the clutch. He informed me of his wife's tendency to ride the clutch in his truck. Since his wife and I were both women, he concluded that I had damaged the clutch. It did not matter that he had never witnessed my driving technique. To argue with him would have been an exercise in futility. Like the men mentioned in Mary Field Belenky's Silence, my boss thought he had " a right to be the winner, to be right no matter what the circumstances" (Belenky 110). Women ride the clutch and I was a woman. Case closed.
I endured incident after incident of sexist treatment at the hands of my boss and coworkers. I was propositioned for sex by male coworkers. I had derogatory notes left on my forklift and in the shipping office. I was told numerous times that I had amazing breasts. As the only girl in the department, I shared the female bathroom with no one. It was my sanctuary until coworkers started leaving pornographic magazines in the bathroom. When I complained to my boss, I was told that without proof there was nothing he could do. The worst incident happened when my husband picked me up for a lunch date. One of my coworkers caught him in the office and alluded to having a sexual relationship with me. It ignited my husband's fury and contributed to the collapse of my fragile marriage.
After I divorced, I began receiving uninvited visits from my coworkers at all hours of the night. Most were to see how lonely I was getting in my bed. Unbelievably, I put up with it for four years. The atmosphere made me numb and apathetic. Similar to the silent women in Belenky's Silence, I had endured "profound isolation under the most demeaning circumstances" (Belenky 112). Like a river rock, I had been worn smooth by the relentless undercurrent of sexist oppression. The experience left me injured and cynical. If I had been a man, I would have been "just one of the guys." I would have been accepted and my job skills never questioned. I had to work twice as hard to achieve half the respect of my fellow employees. Had I been a man, I would have never received repeated concussions from slamming my head into "the glass ceiling." Luckily, I found my way out of that toxic environment.
Unfortunately, the toxicity of gender bias exists outside the workplace as well. Women face it everyday. It has become so integrated into our culture that most do not even realize it. Females are treated differently than males in our society. Double standards reign. Men are studs while women are tramps. Men are aggressive, but women are bitchy. Women's rights have come a long way since the Women's Rights Convention convened in 1848. According to the law, women deserve the same rights as men. Of course, deserving rights and getting rights are two different issues. If rights are never honored, then they are not of much use. However, defining women's rights was a great start. Society must build on this foundation by changing negative attitudes. Slowly but surely, perspectives are changing. Nevertheless, until the underlying attitude of gender bias changes, women will continue to endure oppression and bias in all aspects of their life. As a whole, society will be short-changed. Employers will alienate competent workers into quitting and older brothers will be knocked from their pedestals. Even worse, grandpas will miss granddaughters hauling in a massive salmon.






Works Cited

Belenky, Mary Field. "Silence." The Human Experience: Who Am I? GNED 102 2nd. Ed.
Comp. and eds. Jeffery Sinn, et. al. Rock Hill Tapestry Press, 2005.
Gilligan, Carol. "In a Different Voice." The Human Experience: Who Am I? GNED 102 2nd. Ed.
Comp. and eds. Jeffery Sinn, et. al. Rock Hill Tapestry Press, 2005.
Stanton, Elizabeth Cady. "Declaration of Sentiments." The Human Experience: Who Am
I? GNED 102 2nd. Ed. Comp. and eds. Jeffery Sinn, et. al. Rock Hill Tapestry Press, 2005.



copyright Jen 2005